Over the years, I've learned a thing or two. Through concerted effort and at least a few pints, I have managed to distill my knowledge into a concise list of rules which, if followed, will lead to a full and exciting life.

1. Never pass up free booze.
2. Never pass up free food.
3. No matter how good of an idea it seems at the time, Under no circumstances take a chili pepper and stick it in your eye.
4. Always get the ticket cancellation insurance. Always.
5. Wear pants with zippered pockets if you plan on being upside down.
6. beer can cure a hangover.
7. Saturdays are not work days, no matter what your boss might think.
8. Never run a computer without a firewall, or you'll end up hosting a porn site without even getting a free membership.
9. Learn to do nothing. Do this and you have learned patience.
10. Don't eat things with icing sugar outside on a windy day.
11. Random knowledge comes in handy. Learn things for fun.
12. Don't leave your ferry ticket in your other pants.
13. Never give a time estimate of less than an hour.
14. Blueberry muffin mix is not an acceptable thickening agent for meat-based meals.
15. Never type rm -r /etc when logged in as root.
16. It takes the same amount of time to do something efficiently as it does to do a half-assed job.
17. If you ever see a dead whale, stay at least 50m back, in case it explodes.
18. Go quickly, but do not rush.
19. Seeing through time is not accomplished through kokanee nor PC beer.
20. Never have an umbrella fight in a bar.